Bay Area Houston

Keep Senator Ted Cruz and his family in your prayers.

The Alexandria fire department and the “jaws of life” was called for an accident involving Texas Senator Ted Cruz. Luckily no other individual or family members were involved. According to the report “The Alexandria Fire Department Station 42 was called late Friday night to assist the junior Senator from Texas. Our first responders, who are trained in the use of the jaws of life, were unable, at this time, to free Senator Cruz but we will not stop trying until the job is completed and Senator Cruz is rescued.”

According to the first responders the accident happened right after the press conference held by Cruz to publicly endorse Donald Trump for President. “When we arrived at the accident we immediately called for the jaws of life. The scene was horrible with Senator Cruz gasping for air and pleading for help.”

“Our brave first responders took decisive action with the jaws of life and tried to pry Senator Cruz’s lips off of Donald Trump’s ass, but he was stuck. I’ve never seen anyone kiss someones ass so hard that they got stuck. I’m was taken back by Cruz since Trump at one time called his ugly wife, ugly, and claimed his father was responsible for killing JFK. The fact that Trump continued to walk around with Cruz stuck to his ass didn’t help.”

Film at 11.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 20th, 2024 at 10:29 am and is filed under Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.