Movie Review: 65

May 30, 2023

Do yourself a favor.

Find a free rental coupon for Redbox. Rent the 65 movie. Give the movie to your neighbors. When they are busy watching and wondering why in the living hell you gave them this piece of crap, steal their lawnmower. At least you will get a lawnmower for your efforts.

It was just that bad. It’s so bad it makes me cringe to have to remember the memorable parts to write about them. I just can’t. Gosh that was a waste of $5.99 and 90 minutes of my life. I could have watch Boston get their asses handed to them at home sending Miami to the NBA finals.

Just don’t do it.

Movie Review: Cry Macho

September 27, 2021

Clint Eastwood’s newest movie, Cry Macho, should have been named “Bore me to death Macho”. That was just plain god awful. As someone who considers themself fairly macho, I was no match for this film. I latest just 42 minutes.

The acting, script, plot, and just about everything else was just plain awful. It wasn’t a waste of talent because there was none. Dwight Yoakam, the father who hired Eastwood to return his son from Mexico, was having a difficult time acting like he was an actor. Eastwood is just a shell of the actor he used to be, old, slow, looking confused. I’m surprised he was able to remember his lines. The boy’s acting was overshadowed by his rooster, a cock fighter, which could easily get an academy award nomination for “Cast member that didn’t suck in a movie”.

The script was worthy of a B movie. The plot predictable, although I didn’t see it completely through, I would guess Eastwood saved the boy and his large cock, fell in love with him, and adopted him as his own son he never had. Whether this is a correct or not really doesn’t matter since I will not be watching another minute of it.

Do yourself a favor. Wait till this movie is available at Redbox. Find a free coupon. Rent it. Give it to your neighbors. When they are watching it, steal their lawnmower. At least you will get something out of it.

Movie Review: The Lighthouse starring William Dafoe.

November 4, 2019
$8 damn dollars down the drain. 
I felt I needed to wear a black beret, smoke a thin colored cigarette, eat at a open air cafe with free roaming feral cats, drink an overly expensive espresso while talking about the inherent meaning of the film, it’s underlying implications, and how it would affect me as a human being who just wasted $8 damn dollars.
What the living hell was this all about?

Movie Review: Ma and The Dead Don't Die

June 25, 2019

Do yourself a favor.

If you intend to go see either one of these movies do yourself a favor. Buy a bucket of popcorn. Watch the movie. Put the bucket on your head. Then walk out of the theatre. The bucket will hide your identity and protect you from ridicule.

Ma was just plain awful. Why Academy Award winner Octavia Spencer, would stoop to this level of movie is beyond me. Think back to when you were a senior in high school and your friend that is 3 years older keeps coming back to your school and your parties. Now add 30 years to that age difference. Not only is Octavia stuck in the past but most of her high school buddies are too. It is just an incredibly brain dead movie.

Then there was The Dead Don’t Die. Watch the trailer. Add a flying saucer beaming up a ninja warrior in the middle of a field of zombies. And top it off with a predictable ending. It doesn’t end well. The movie has a boatload of stars including Adam Driver, Bill Murray, Selena Gomez, and more. They all suck in this movie. You will have to force a loud laugh to convince you that the $10 you paid wasn’t wasted. It was. It will be if you see it. The trailer is all you need to watch.

So far the summer has sucked for movies.

Movie Review: The Mule

December 19, 2018

Wait for it on DVD or Blu-Ray.

What a disappointment. Watch the trailer below. It has more excitement than the actual movie. Eastwood did his best to play a gross, horny, mumbling, old man. He did this pretty well. It was a slow, drawn out story with little if any unpredictable plots. Little excitement, little drama, ending in a “Is that it?” ending. 

At the end of the movie many were still in their seats hopefully waiting for after credits or something that said “Clint Eastwood spent the last days of his lonely life in prison. He grew flowers.” or something like that. The entire movie needed closure. The lady sitting next to me said what I was thinking “Is that it?’ Others left the theatre saying the same thing. This was truly a wasted effort by Eastwood. He should consider retiring.

The Mule is The Dud even at the discount price of $5.00 Tuesday rate. Grab a hand full of popcorn and a shot glass of Coke and watch the trailer:

Movie Review: Instant Family

December 4, 2018

Go see it! Now!

Mark Wohlberg has had some ups and downs of movies including the remake of the Planet of the Apes, Mile 22, Fighter, and Lone Survivor. Mile 22 was his latest flop. It really sucked. Instant Family, on the other hand, ranks with one of the good ones.

If you don’t like tearing up in the theatre wait for Ted III because Instant Family is a good story, based upon real life, and will pull on your heartstrings. Wohlberg in Instant Family is able to bridge the gap between funny and serious and he does it well. Isabela Moner as the oldest of 3 foster kids is lovable at first sight and has a great performance. Wohlberg’s wife, played by Rose Byrne, also provides comedy and tear jerking moments.

It is a great movie. One of the better ones of the year. Go see it.

Movie Review: A Star is Born

November 12, 2018

Great movie to watch on DVD.

I enjoyed the movie but was annoyed by so many details. Maybe I was looking for errors in filming when I saw the bad of peas wrapped around Lady Gaga’s hand disappear or when Sam Elliot moved between scenes. It was annoying.

Bradley Cooper tried too hard to maintain that Kris Kristofferson gravelly voice. It was forced and at times he forgot to gravel. Lady Gaga acted as well as she did in American Horror Story, not very well. She has incredible talent but acting is not one of them. Her rise to fame was fast, too fast, and cheesy. But then again, what can you do when attempting to cram too much into 2 hours? 

I loved the music except for the cheesy hip hop songs by Gaga. “Maybe it’s time” was my favorite although I think he sang it 3 times without the gravelly voice. 

It was a great movie for a night at home on DVD.

Movie Review: Fahrenheit 11/9

September 27, 2018

Democrats, do yourself a favor and watch Fahrenheit 11/9 on 11/7. Until then, donate the $7.00 ticket price to a candidate and take the 2 hours you would have spent watching it and phone bank or block walk for your favorite candidate. In the end you will be doing everyone a favor. Including yourself.

Republicans, do us a favor and go watch what you did to this country by supporting trump.

I don’t like Michael Moore. He tends to exaggerate, hijack issues, blame everyone else, and offer up facts based upon incorrect timelines. He didn’t disappoint with Fahrenheit 11/9. If you need encouragement to go block walk or phone bank or volunteer to do something for the candidate of your choice, go watch the first 10 minutes. It documents the last hours of election night. It hurts. A lot.

Moore goes on to blame the media for making money off the horrible situation we are now in while he is making money off the horrible situation we are now in. It’s vintage Moore. He hijacks the teacher strikes across the country and the March for our Lives movement, although I have a hard time faulting for him since the more attention they get the better. In typical fashion Moore blames “the establishment” and claims, incorrectly, that Bernie Sanders was robbed by framing his message around eye catching film editing. Moore has an agenda. His movie serves him well.

He concentrates on the Flint Michigan water crisis claiming, incorrectly, President Obama didn’t declare an emergency for the area. He also claims the army used Flint Michigan for “target practice” implying live ammo was used. It wasn’t but he uses cleverly edited clips of night time drills and trains carrying tanks, even though tanks were not used.

As I said, I don’t like Michael Moore. If you are inclined to watch this, do so after the election. Until then, get off your ass so we can fix the horrible situation we are now in.

Movie Review: Papillon

September 6, 2018

Find the original 1973 movie on DVD featuring Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman. Rent it. Watch it. Save yourself $9.53.

In the original movie they were able to show how the human body would deteriorate after years in solitary confinement. In the new one Charlie Hunnan, at the end of the movie looked like he did at the beginning. Somehow he had all of his perfect teeth, his sanity, and a nice haircut throughout the movie. It was almost laughable to see Charlie coming out of a 5 year confinement and slowly turning into the camera looking as if he was in for only a few days. They really missed this moment. In the original I can remember McQueen sticking his head out of his cell, spitting out a tooth, and laughing in a crazy way. There was nothing in this movie that showed the aging of Charlie.

His acting was just so-so but you expect that from Jax…I mean Charlie. He can’t seem to get out of the Sons of Anarchy role. Contributing to this Chibs from SOA, Tommy Flanagan, had a very short cameo. Charlie was the right person to play Steve McQueen. At times, maybe on purpose, he actually looked like McQueen in a few scenes.

Wasn’t worth 2 hours and $9.53 especially at AMC with no reclining seats.

Movie Review: Mile 22

August 21, 2018

Wait for it to hit DVD.

This is an action packed movie which could have been a lot better if I had sat in the last row or the film director had invested in stabilizers for his cameras. This wasn’t a very memorable movie, to the point I cant remember much about it and for good reason. It just wasn’t that good. The ending added a great twist that made you wonder “What the hell was that about?” and “Why did I pay $8 to see it?” and “Where the hell did I park my car?”. Memorable.

Mark Wahlberg was saddled with a character with anger issues and mental conditions, the exact characteristics needed in a FBI/CIA agent. (not!) Besides flying off the handle and long winded explanations to his adversaries and team members, he has a bad habit of snapping a rubber wrist band to control his outbursts. It doesn’t work very well and it was annoying. Very annoying. Throughout the entire damn movie! For god’s sake take a downer!

One of the best part of the move is Rhonda Rousey. She was knocked off early so we were spared her horrible acting abilities. Rousey has a habit of looking like she is faking a bad ass snarl on her face right up to the point she gets her ass knocked out, twice. She needs to stick to the WWE where bad acting and fake snarls are requirements for a wrestler.

Overall this was just a notch above a straight to DVD movie.

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