Greg Abbott: I’ll ban divorce if reelected

September 15, 2022

This is who Greg Abbott is. Don’t believe me. Believe him.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott has called for a ban on divorces in Texas if reelected. This has caused a huge backlash from members of his own party including State Representative Tony Tinderholt who is on his 5th marriage, twice to his first wife. According to Tinderholt “What the *uck Governor? Do you need someone else to pick on besides the Mexicans, Gays, Jews, and other non-christians? Who I love or don’t love at any given point in time is none of your business.”

In attempting to explain his ban Abbott claims “Divorce is against everything the Republican Party stands for especially the Sanctity of Marriage. It is not the Sanctity of Marriages or One Man One Woman at One Time. It is one man. One woman. Forever. And ever. Amen.”

According to his plan those who want to get divorced could do so but would forever give up their rights to marry again. Also those who divorce will lose all benefits afforded to those who are married including health care benefits. “Texans who divorce will know up front the consequences for their inability to preserve their marriage, under god, like my wife and I have done.”

“I understand I will have opposition coming from both sides of the aisle but I pledge to all Texans that if reelected I will beat off the opposition with both hands in order to protect the sanctity of marriage.”


Group to file lawsuit against Texas Senator Paul Bettencourt for PPP Loan forgiveness

August 30, 2022

Yesterday Harris County Commissioner Adrian Garcia called out State Senator Paul Bettencourt. Bettencourt has been critical of President Biden’s school loan assistance program. According to Garcia, Bettencourt has also received free assistance from the Federal Government to the tune of $623,500 through the PPP loan program. According to the Houston Chronicle, Garcia asked Bettencourt via Twitter:

“Is this you?” Democrat Adrian Garcia tweeted at Sen. Paul Bettencourt, a Republican who criticized President Joe Biden’s plan to offer student debtors up to $20,000 in relief was “costing $600+Bil.”

In his defense, Bettencourt said “No one gives back free money”.

Ok, he didn’t say exactly that but the massive hypocrisy of criticizing the Federal Government providing help to students in debt while accepting $623,500 in free money from the Federal Government has not gone unnoticed. The Society of Hypocrites in Texas has filed suit against Bettencourt. According to their statement:

The State of Texas has a proud history of being hypocrites but we have never been afraid to accept help from the government when needed but we know our limits and we know to keep our mouth shut. No one is more of a Texas sized hypocrite than Senator Ted Cruz, yet Paul Bettoncourt gives him a good run for his free money.

Because of this, the members of the Society of Hypocrites of Texas (SHIT) have decided to file suit against Paul Bettoncourt for defecation of character. Let us be very clear. We are not going to take this shit from Paul Bettoncourt.


Why AT&T customer service is rated #1 in the world

August 28, 2022

After waiting on the phone to talk to an AT&T customer service representative have you ever wondered how AT&T is rated #1 in customer service? Well so do I. Here is why I think they deserve this rating.

When AT&T is working it works just great. I have great cellular coverage, unlimited data, no throttling, my internet access for home is reliable, and Uverse is just great. Luckily you do not need customer support when everything is just fine.

Talking to a machine. When something goes wrong is when things go wrong. AT&T uses a computer assistant to screen calls resulting in most callers yelling REPRESENTATIVE!!!! Usually the assistant will ask a series of question trying to find the right representative for you to speak to. Most of the time it will provide useless information like “log in and solve your own fuckin problem” when you calling because you can’t login in in the first place.

Waiting. Once they transfer you to a representative the waiting starts. This is a good time to take a shower, mow the lawn, or watch a 3 hour movie because that is how long you will wait to talk to a REPRESENTATIVE!

Getting a call back. AT&T values the 3 hours you will wait for a REPRESENTATIVE and will give you an opportunity to receive a callback when it is your turn. You can get a call back usually at 11 PM or the next day if you are lucky. If you ever receive the call back you have to push 1 to talk to the REPRESENTATIVE. Many times the button will not work and AT&T will simply hang up with a friendly “Goodbye”

Hanging up, transferring. Once you are finally talking to a REPRESENTATIVE the first line of defense would be to tell the caller “You have the wrong department. Let me transfer you…” and the wait starts all over again. When you finally get the right REPRESENTATIVE on the phone and they are incompetent and cannot solve your problem they will put you on hold, multiple times, then they will simply hang up.

Visiting an AT&T store. The first thing the service representative will do is to call…..wait for it….customer support.

So the bottom line AT&T customer service is the best in the world in teaching you have to be patient, how to control your temper, and how to cancel your entire service…..if only you can talk to a REPRESENTATIVE to do so.


After SCOTUS ruling school's football team renamed to "The Christians"

July 10, 2022
Pic from the LATimes.

This really could be fun!

The football team and booster club of the high school behind the Supreme Court ruling allowing a coach to lead a prayer at the 50 yard line for the team has renamed the team to The Christians. According to the team’s new coach “The name adequately represents the members of the team, at least most of them.” The President of the booster club also claims “This new name will bring new ways to support our team while praising our Lord Jesus Christ!” She released a list of ideas for fans attending the game:

  • Fans can dress up as priests and nuns and even popes.
  • Kids can dress like altar boys
  • Rosaries will be distributed to replace spirit towels.
  • Bibles will be passed out instead of bobble heads
  • When faced with 4th and long fans will be encourages to say the Hail Mary
  • Chants of “Crucify Them! Crucify Them!” 
  • Special events will be planned when The Christians play The Lions
  • Prior to the game the rosary will be prayed on the 50 yard line
  • Cheerleaders will be dressed like nuns
  • Teams will run out of their lockers under the fog of burning ashes
  • Attending a game on Saturday will count towards attending church on Sunday
“We look forward to our fans coming out and supporting the team and celebrating the Christian religion much like the fans at the Washington Redskins used to do. After our prayer on the 50 yard line we hope our Christian team knocks the living shit out of our fuckin opponents. Amen.”


Rapist Across Texas applauds SCOTUS abortion briefing

May 7, 2022

(Austin Texas) Rapist Across Texas (RATS) issued the following statement concerning the leaked Supreme Court briefing overturning Roe v Wade.

Members of RATS are ecstatic over the leaked brief overturning Roe v Wade even for rape or incest victims. We may be rapists but we should have a right to spread our seeds without fear of being arrested or our rapist child being terminated. We have to thank our friends from Texas, Governor Greg Abbott, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, and the entire Republican Party for their courage, leadership, and hypocrisy  in supporting our rights to rape. And we greatly appreciate the new members of the SCOTUS for lying their way onto the Supreme Court. This is a trait of every republican running for office.

The Republican Party truly stands for the rights of RATS.


After Michigan shooting TX Gov Greg Abbott calls for arming high school Seniors

December 2, 2021
Pic from OffTheGridNews

#NoPlaceButTexas

After the shooting at a Michigan high school leaving 4 students dead and 6 wounded Texas Governor Greg Abbott is now calling for arming high school seniors in order to make our school safer. According to Abbott “Students in Texas should feel safe knowing that the star football player or the President of the Student Association is carrying a loaded firearm and is ready to protect them from an active shooter.”

Over the last few legislation sessions Abbott has signed a number of gun friendly laws. In 2009 Abbott supported an open carry policy allowing trained and licensed gun owners the right to carry loaded weapons in public. Last session he went even further allowing permit less carry giving any gun owner the right to open carry without training or securing a license. “The next logical step is to allow guns to be carried into schools by responsible students.”

Texas has had our share of gun shootings in schools and we have taken decisive action to address this. After the Santa Fe high school shooting leaving 10 kids dead we took swift action and passed an open carry bill and a bill allowing the arming of high school teachers. We went further in allowing anyone to carry a gun and passed Permitless Carry which included gang members, drug dealers, MS13, Crips, and people who dress up like GI Joe. 

Ever since passing lax gun laws our rate of deadly shootings has skyrocketed proving our new gun laws are clearly working. “Allowing students to carry guns into the class room should give every Texan a sense of security never seen before.”


PRESS RELEASE: Texas Governor, calls for mandatory vasectomies for young men

September 9, 2021

Sept 9, 2021

Governor’s office in it’s desire to eliminate rapists from Texas calls for free vasectomies for men.

Austin, Texas (Sept 9, 2021) – After signing a historic ban on abortions in Texas with no exemptions for rape or incest, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has stated it will rid Texas of all rapists. As a part of this new policy Governor Abbott is calling for mandatory and free vasectomies for men over the age of 18 years old.

According to Governor Abbott “Rape is a crime, and Texas will work tirelessly to make sure we eliminate all rapists from the streets of Texas by aggressively going out and arresting them and prosecuting them and getting them off the streets. So goal no. 1 in the state of Texas is to eliminate rape so that no woman, no person, will be a victim of rape,” 

The State of Texas is ranked #1 in number of rapes with over 14,000 over the last year alone. To help women who have been raped Abbott claimed that providing free vasectomies for men would prevent these unwanted pregnancies. 

Abbott is feeling backlash from both sides of the aisle but he claims he intends to press forward. “Let me be clear to those opposing my plan, I intend to fight for Texas women and will beat off the opposition with both hands!”


Group sues Texas Senator Ted Cruz for defamation of character

August 12, 2021

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Austin Texas. After learning of Ted Cruz sending his children to a private $30,000/year school which requires masks for all students, teachers, and the administration, the following Texas organization has issued the following statement:

The State of Texas has a proud history of being a bunch of hypocrites including Christians claiming to endorse the “sanctity of marriage” yet have been married and remarried multiple times and politicians claiming to be Christians yet endorsing separating children from their parents. But no one, let us stress, no one is more of a Texas sized hypocrite than Ted Cruz. No one is more of a sniveling coward like Ted Cruz. His hypocrisy makes true hypocrites silly.

Because of this, the members of Society of Hypocrites of Texas (SHIT) have decided to file suit against Ted Cruz for defamation of character. The hypocrites of our state such as every Republican and most Christians are ashamed of his hypocrisy. It make our members look bad.

Let us be very clear. We are not going to take this shit from Ted Cruz.


Fighting Dog Club voice support of Abbott's veto of bipartisan bill to protect dogs

June 23, 2021

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Wednesday June 23, 2021
Fighting Dog Clubs of America
1-800-DOG-FGHT

Caset Texas. The Fighting Dog Clubs of America with over 20 organizations in Texas which raise and trains dogs to engage in rough “play time” has issued the following statement in support of Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s veto of the bipartisan bill protecting abused dogs:

We proudly stand with Greg Abbott’s veto of the bipartisan bill protecting abused dogs. Our dogs are chained up for good reasons. Most are trained from the day they are born to be mean and to defend themselves. Chaining a dog to a tree helps us accomplish this goal as well as protects the public from this rabid animal. We thank Texas Governor Greg Abbott for his courage in vetoing this bill that would make chaining and abusing a dog a felony. 

We hope the Governor will accept our invitation to throw out the first puppy at the opening dog fight here in the back woods of Caset Texas. Beer and hot dogs will be served.

#NoPlaceButTexas


Texas Governor Greg Abbott issues a statement on the #DerekChauvinTrial

April 21, 2021

 

April 21, 2021 Austin Texas

From the desk of Governor Greg Abbott


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