Praise the lord?
Texas Republicans attempted to pass a bill requiring all public schools to post the Ten Commandments in every classroom. Unfortunately the bill stalled because various factions of Christians couldn’t decide which version of the ten commandments should be posted. The leader of the Catholic Caucus had this to say:
“Since Catholics are the largest group within the Christians faith we should be the deciding organization to determine which version of the commandments should be posted.”
The bill stalled until late last night when Democrats broke ranks and offered a compromise. According to State Representative S.A. Tan, “We have offered a compromise that not only will pass constitutional challenges, it will adequately reflect the true values of the Republican Party. With this compromise children in schools will know how to avoid being a dick.” The ten commandments that will be posted are:
- Thou shall not steal
- Thou shall not lie every fuckin day
- Thou shall not pork a porn star
- Thou shall not have affairs
- Thou shall not have sex with interns
- Thou shall not send dick pics to interns
- Thou shall not be impeached
- Thou shall not ban assault weapons
- Thou shall not be like Ted Cruz
- Thou shall not be a hypocrite
Praise the lord and welcome to Satire Sunday.