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February 25, 2024 | Austin, Texas | Press Release

After the recent ruling by the Alabama Supreme Court affirming defining frozen embryos as children, Governor Greg Abbott today announced taking executive action and declaring sperm also as children and therefore protected under the anti abortion laws of Texas.

“Texas is by far the most conservative State in the nation and we will uphold our conservative values to protect life at every stage including classifying sperm as children. I have conferred with the members of the Texas Supreme Court and was assured this was not only legal but ethical and Godly.”

According to the executive order this will take effect immediately, under the Texas abortion laws, unless the Legislature takes decisive action to overturn it.

“I intend to defend this action and protect not only frozen embryos but also the viable, life filled, jizz that has spilled over in past rulings. No more will we allow these young children to be left in a sock, tissue, or in the shower. I will make this promise to every republican in Texas. If anyone challenges this executive order I will beat them off with both hands!”

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