Bay Area Houston

Watch it? Rent it? Skip it?

Skip it. That was such a huge waste of a free movie ticket. The Amateur is about a pencil neck, computer geek working for the CIA who becomes an International CIA Agent overnight in order to find and kill those who killed his wife. Sounds stupid? You’re right. It is. It was.

Somehow over a 2 hour period Rami Malek, an academy award winner, is transformed into a bullet proof CIA spy using his skills he learned from Lawrence Fishburne over a period of a few days and the help of YouTube videos (seriously). Jon Berthnal has a couple of very regrettable appearances, seriously, just a couple. Needless to say Rami learns how to hack into every building, access every camera, to evade the highly trained CIA agents sent to find him. He is bulletproof. Literally escaping a Seal team with automatic weapons. Ugh. It is just so cringe worthy.

I feel more stupider just writing this. This was crap. Just total crap. A waste of 2 hours and a free movie ticket. Don’t waste your time or money watching this stupidity. Go watch something better like The Substance.

LOL.

Watch it? Rent it? Skip it?

SKIP IT! Do yourself a favor. If you just have to see Demi Moore naked wait till it is streaming free then go clean the toilets. You will get more from cleaning the toilet than watching this movie.

That was $5.99 down the drain. What an incredibly stupid, meaningless, gross movie. If I could sue someone for the $5.99 I spent watching this I would. An interesting plot at first that fell into a gross set of scenes that got dumber and dumber as the movie progressed. Demi Moore was OK but not great. Her nakedness did not help. The 4k did her no favors what so ever. I fell asleep during the middle but unfortunately woke up for the finale that was just gross, ridiculous, and just plain stupid. It was like a jr high school film project. I feel stupid just admitting I watched it.

Rotten Tomatoes had an 89% rating and an audience rating of 75% on this film. What the living hell they watched is beyond me. That movie should end Demi Moore’s comeback tour.

Watch it? Rent it? Skip it?

For fuck sakes. Skip it. That was a complete waste of 2 hours. Great idea, stupid script, poor acting, incredibly dumb plot. This movie is the complete package. It has a load of paranoia by a bunch of government hating, gun toting, former military, bad acting, survivalists who sees an opportunity after a nuclear bomb hits Los Angelos and takes out the grid across the country. People flock out of the Los Angeles area running to the hills looking for someone who has food, water and shelter. Many camp out at the gates of a property in Colorado who just happens to have food, water, and shelter but won’t let them in. This is where the movie remains.

The worst part of the movie is when the wife of the property owner ends the show with having faith in god to bring peace and love and joy and more food, water, and a fuckin TV show once in a while. OMG it is so corny. God will fix it all just like he fixed Los Angeles, just prior to being blown off the goddamn map.

It’s an incredibly stupid movie but has an after credit that is not worth watching because this is the beginning of a series. One of the gun toting, government hating, bad acting, survivalists asks that you scan a QR code on the scree to view the 1st episode of the new series.

Just don’t do it. This is just a stupid ass movie.

Watch it? Rent it? Skip it? WATCH IT!

Ok. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect but this was a great religious/horror movie. Hugh Grant was particularly creepy. The two young, women, Mormon missionaries spreading the word of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints play their parts very well. From Rotten Tomatoes:

Two young missionaries are forced to prove their faith when they knock on the wrong door and are greeted by a diabolical Mr. Reed (Hugh Grant), becoming ensnared in his deadly game of cat-and-mouse.

This is a 2 hour movie which means at least 1 restroom break but I didn’t want to break away. It was just that good. The movie discusses religion, not specifically Mormonism. It questions the origin of religion something I find interesting. Along with this discussion they mix an intense horror aspect to it.

This is a great movie. It is being show on Standard Format, not in BIG SCREEN or IMAX. It is just a standard movie format and a great horror flick. Watch it!

Watch it? Rent it? Skip it? Skip it.

This should be Clint Eastwood’s last film. Mercifully. If you have ever served on a jury or have anything to do with a trial do yourself a favor and don’t watch this. It is insulting to the process much like Gravity was to NASA. It’s just not how things work in a jury. Gravity isnt how it works with NASA either.

But if you go in with the ability to put aside the inaccuracies, errors, and misconceptions in the process it is just a so-so movie. Simmons has an easy and quick out almost close to just a cameo. I love Toni Collette but she is better than this. It is almost as if she was suffering through the entire movie. Messina has a so-so performance.

The story doesn’t flow. It is choppy even though it is 2 hours long. It is crammed adding to the choppiness. At times I wondered if I had slept through a part waking up asking “What did I miss?”. (I think I actually did snooze off for a bit. It is that bad.)

I’m not sure what everyone else was thinking when reviewing this movie. Maybe they never served on a jury. Or maybe they have seen too many crime movies and series thinking they know everything about our judicial system after graduating from Facebook law school.

See it? Rent it? Skip it? Skip it.

At least I got a free charge for my Chevy Bolt at the charging station.

Watch it? Rent it? Skip it?

Watch it! That was an interesting take on a fictious civil war in the United States. The movie follows reporters who are traveling to Washington DC hoping to interview the President who has turned the military on civilians. It’s graphic at times. Disturbing most of the time. For those of you who are carelessly talking about a civil war you might want to take a couple of hours to see what you might get if it really happens.

Kirsten Dunst was fantastic. Wagner Moura, who played Pablo Escobar in Narcos, had a disturbing scene where he silently screams after members of the press, and his friends, were executed by the President’s supporters. That scene has stuck with me. Sound wasn’t needed for this scene.

But I was impressed with the sounds of the gunfire in the theatre. Unless you have a 7.1 sound system at home you may not experience the same affect. It is worth the effort to see it in the theater.

Go watch it before it leaves. It will not be the same at home.

Watch it? Rent it? Skip it?

Skip it. The Anatomy of a Fall has been nominated for a number of Oscars including best actress, best director, best picture, and more. Rotten Tomatoes rated it at 96% with an audience score of 90%. I just can’t see what they saw in this movie.

Most of it is in French. At first I thought they were speaking in French so we didn’t understand that particular part of the movie as if they were keeping some information from us. After a few minutes I turned on closed captions. And most of the movie is in a French courtroom. According to Rotten Tomatoes:

For the past year, Sandra, her husband Samuel, and their eleven-year-old son Daniel have lived a secluded life in a remote town in the French Alps. When Samuel is found dead in the snow below their chalet, the police question whether he was murdered or committed suicide. 

It was too long. It was too slow. I lost interest. I thought the acting was just so-so and not worthy of an Oscar nomination but then again what the hell do I know about acting? I don’t think Ryan Gosling deserved a nomination either.

I would think those who are true movie buffs would appreciate this movie more than I did. For me I am missing my $5.99.

See it? Rent it? Or skip it?

Skip it. In fact it is close to being one of those movies you rent from Redbox with a free rental coupon, give it to your neighbors to watch, then steal their lawnmower. At least you will get something out of it.

Seriously, we almost left and went to see Godzilla Minus One just like we almost did with Napoleon. It was slow, full of sex, and pointless. If you want to see Emma Stone naked, multiple times, having sex, go see it. If that is what turns you on. Other than that I saw no point in it. I should have known better since Willem Dafoe was a main character. Much like The Lighthouse, it sucked.

What I said about The Lighthouse applies to Poor Things:

$8 damn dollars down the drain. 

I felt I needed to wear a black beret, smoke a thin colored cigarette, eat at a open air cafe with free roaming feral cats, drink an overly expensive espresso while talking about the inherent meaning of the film, it’s underlying implications, and how it would affect me as a human being who just wasted $8 damn dollars.

What the living hell was this all about?

Do yourself a favor. Skip it.

Watch it? Rent it? Skip it?

Skip it. Wow that was truly disappointing. Acting was just so-so. Script laughable at times (seriously we actually laughed) Slow at times. Some in the audience actually fell asleep and woke up suddenly after snoring loudly. It was just that bad.

We were considering leaving the movie after an hour or so and sneaking into Godzilla. Do yourself a favor and go watch Godzilla.

Watch it, rent it, or skip it?

Skip. That was $5.99 I will not get back. The best thing about this movie is that fact that I was able to watch it outside in the comfort of my patio and with cool weather.

What was it about? I don’t know. I really couldn’t figure out WTF it was about. It was chock full of actors providing a performance that led me to fall asleep towards the end.

At least my wife didn’t leave me out there. She woke me up at the end.