La Marque Police Responds to Council Member’s Terrorist Threat Complaint

October 29, 2025

There is a new Sheriff in town and he ain’t taken shit from Lowry.

In an unprecedented move by the La Marque City Police Department led by the new Police Chief, police are openly discussing the ‘Terrorist threat”complaint filed by City Councilman Joseph Lowry. In this day and age threats of any kind should not be taken lightly. Here is the report of the visit to LMPD documenting the threat.

Mr. Joseph Lowry entered the department at around 3:45 in the afternoon. He was out of breath, spoke in short bursts, and seemed quite upset. I was afraid he was going to pass out and summoned our medical staff. Lowry attempted to describe the terrorist threat that faced his family but quickly collapsed into a nearby chair. Medics provided oxygen to revive him. Lowry quickly regained his composure and staggered to the snack table where he chowed down on two day old bear claws and a carton of chocolate milk. We cautioned him about the milk which might have been spoiled. He ignored our warnings.

Lowry said the attack had left him breathless. “I truly believe he farted in my general direction. I couldn’t breathe. He must have ate some bad Mexican food. I was never more scared in my life. I was afraid he was going to teabag me.”

After continued discussion Mr. Lowry retired to the bathroom for the next 30 minutes as a result of the chocolate milk. The milk proved what we, at the station already knew, that he was full of shit. After dropping off his kids, he left the station with two additional bear claws rambling about conspiracies, cabals, criminal enterprises, political favors, EDC handouts, bribes, and backdoor deals.

Satire. You have to love it!

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Posted by johncoby

Catholic Church Condemns the Posting of the 10 Commandments

October 26, 2025

Praise the Lord.

Bay Area’s State Senator, Mayes Middleton, has purchased posters of the 10 Commandments to be posted in all classrooms in CCISD in direct violation of a Judge’s ruling. Currently the law is being challenged as unconstitutional in violation of the First Amendment prohibiting laws respecting an establishment of religion. Middleton sponsored the 10 Commandments bill in Texas.

The Catholic Church, which supported the passage of the law, has now soured. According to the Catholic Times Archbishop of the Houston Area, Jose Vasquez, stated the following:

“We are very disturbed by the posting of the 10 Commandments in class rooms across the state. When we voiced our initial support of the bill we were guaranteed the version of the Commandments would be the Catholic version not the version adopted by the Baptist church. As everyone knows the Catholic Church created Christianity and leads the world in this religion. Any other versions of Christianity are simply spinoff religions and does not truly represent Christianity.”

Catholics are overwhelmingly the majority of the 2.6 Billion Christians in the world and demand their rightful place public schools.

“If Senator Middleton wants to post the 10 Commandments then post the Catholic Version since we are the dominant religion of Texas. If any child or parent does not approve they can simply sit down quietly, look the other way, and not follow them, like they currently do anyway. Just remember all other versions of Christianity are bastard religions. Now take the g*ddamn things down. We have spoken.”

Welcome to Satire Sunday.

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BREAKING: EMS Called to the White House

August 27, 2025

Multiple members of the President’s Cabinet were involved.

Multiple units of the Washington DC fire department were called for an incident involving the President and his Cabinet. According to the report: “The Fire Department Station 42 was called late Tuesday night to assist the Cabinet Members. Our first responders, who are trained in the use CPR, were able to revive many of the individuals but some required hospitalization.

According to the first responders the incident began during the President’s Cabinet meeting lasting over 3 hours. “When we arrived we immediately called for extra support. The scene was horrible with many gasping for air and pleading for help.”

“Our brave first responders took decisive action, provided CPR and mouth to mouth resusitation and tried to pry each and every one of them off of Donald Trump’s ass, but they were stuck. I’ve never seen so many people on their knees sucking someone’s ass so hard that they got stuck. We continue to struggle with the situation. The fact that Trump continued to walk around with so many of the Cabinet Members stuck to his ass didn’t help.”

You can watch the entire ass kissing session below. It might make you vomit and laugh at the same time.

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Catholic Church Condemns the 10 Commandments Law

August 24, 2025

Praise the Lord!

According to Catholic Family Digest the Catholic Church has condemned the law requiring posting of the 10 Commandments in public schools in Texas. According to the Archbishop of Texas, the Reverend Jose Jimenez, “The 10 commandments are the cornerstone of the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church created Christianity. We created the 10 Commandments. If Texas wants to post the 10 Commandments then it must be the Catholic version.”

Texas Governor Greg Abbott recently signed into law a requiring all public school to post the 10 commandments if someone donates the sign and/or posters. Like in Louisiana, the law has been struck down as unconstitutional by a federal judge and is expected to be decided by the United States Supreme Court. Abbott was clear about his support of displaying the 10 Commandments in schools. “Just think if that shooter in Uvalde had the opportunity to read a poster stating Thou Shall Not Kill, maybe we would have had a different outcome.”

The Reverend’s reaction was also very clear. “If you want the 10 Commandments posted it must be the Catholic version. All other spin offs of christianity are just bastard religions. The Catholic Church is the only true Christian religion that follows the word of Jesus Christ our Savior. If Abbott thinks otherwise he can roll up and kiss by Catholic ass.”

God Bless Texas and welcome to Satire Sunday.

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BREAKING: Jaws of Life Called to the Texas State Capitol

August 1, 2025

Multiple members of the Texas Republican Party were involved.

The Austin fire department and the “jaws of life” were called for an accident involving a bus carrying a number of Republican law makers. No family members were involved. According to the report: “The Austin Fire Department Station 42 was called late Thursday night to assist the law makers. Our first responders, who are trained in the use of the jaws of life, were unable to free many of the individuals but will not stop trying until the job is completed and everyone is rescued.”

According to the first responders the accident happened after a fundraiser for the Texas Republican Party with members of the Texas House, all Republicans. “When we arrived at the accident we immediately called for the jaws of life. The scene was horrible with many trapped in the bus gasping for air and pleading for help.”

“Our brave first responders took decisive action with the jaws of life and tried to pry each and every one of them off of Donald Trump’s ass, but they was stuck. I’ve never seen so many people on their knees sucking someone’s ass so hard that they got stuck. We continue to struggle with the situation. The fact that Trump continued to walk around with so many of the Texas Republican delegation stuck to his ass didn’t help.”

Texas is well known for their saying “We do things bigger in Texas”, including having some of the biggest ass kissers in the country. 

Welcome to fucking Friday and to the great ass kissing state of Texas.

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Republicans Denounce Kim Oggs Endorsement

June 17, 2025

Its Ogg. Ugh.

Former District Attorney Kim Ogg just can’t keep out of the press. Yesterday she called for the Gang Of Phuckers (GOP) to take over Harris County. Ogg might want to read the room and then consider leaving. It’s like being at a party without an invitation. Eventually someone is going to ask “Who the fuck invited you?”.

If she hasn’t been keeping abreast of the news lately, the Republicans are as popular as herpes at a hot tub party, or as an aunt crashing your high school sleep over, or a rocking chair at a long tailed cat convention. You get the idea. The republican name is crap. It’s shit. They have become Trump. They have become lying, cheating, grifting, whiny little bitches. Everything they say is a lie. Everything they do is to please Trump. They have their lips firmly attached to Trump’s ass. They will turn on each other like a pack of hyenas trying to share a warthog. Sucking up to them at this time might not be the best idea for good reason.

The lying, cheating, whiny little bitches don’t like Ogg. They don’t want her endorsement. The face of the party doesn’t need to be Kim Ogg. The Democrats made that real clear back in 2024 defeating her by 50 points in the primary. In her last term her divisiveness was on an epic level, one the party could no longer tolerate. She needed to just move on but instead she is moving into the other party that didn’t invite her.

Responses from the Republican Party was swift: A Precinct Chair said “Who?”. Greg Abbott said “Kim is just what we need to take attention off of my very popular voucher plan and the waste of our National Guard resources.” Lt Governor Patrick was quoted “I will beat off all those who attack my plan to ban THC”. Senator Ted Cruz stated “Kim Ogg? I’ve never met her.”

Yep. It’s satire. But I would be very cautious about an invitation to a hot tub party hosted by the Republican Party.

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Elon Musk calls for an end to Services for Vets. “They’re no longer needed”

February 7, 2025

No one is spared.

According to an article from The DC InCider Elon Musk has called for an end to a number of federal programs including USAid as well as Vet services at the United States Capitol. This is the first attack on Vets in the United States with more expected at the Veterans Administration. From the article Musk states:

“It is just simple math. There is no need for Vet services at the Capitol anymore. Taxpayers should not be paying for these services if no one is asking for them. It’s just common sense.”

Congressmen who have served in the military such as Troy Nehls and Dan Crenshaw of Texas as well as other members of Congress issued a quick response:

“Over the last couple of weeks we have worked hard to implement President Trump’s new vision of America by allowing Elon Musk full access to Treasury information, gutting federal programs, and giving away our powers under the Constitution for oversight and funding. We have volunteered to be neutered by the in-house Vet and their services are no longer needed.” Congressman Dan Crenshaw continued “I lost an eye defending my country. I have now lost my balls defending Donald Trump.”

Veterinarians in the Capitol were quick to respond “We have successfully cut the balls off of all male Congressman. The woman now have more balls than the men. Our job is done.”

Welcome to Fucking Friday and Satire Someday.

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Police Union praises Trump’s pardons

January 22, 2025

Back the Blue? No. Beat the Blue.

You have to wonder what kind of country we are living in when a police union supports the pardoning of criminals who viciously attacked members of their own union. The Faternal Order Of Law Enforcement Support (FOOLS) issued the following statement on the pardons:

“In 2024 we proudly endorsed Trump for reelection knowing full well he was going to pardon the very individuals who beat our fellow police members. Some of these officers lost their jobs and some lost their lives and paid the ultimate price for defending the United States Capitol. That did not deter us from proudly endorsing Trump. It is sad that family members of the fallen officers will have to forever suffer the consequences of our actions but life isn’t easy and they will have to suck it up for the good of Trump’s presidency.”

Other organizations who endorsed Trump were not as gleeful as the FOOLS. The Fraternal Order of Police also endorsed Trump knowing full well he was going to pardon the cop killers. They did it anyway. Now, according to their press release, they are “deeply discouraged” in Trump’s pardons. Yeah. Right. Deeply discouraged my ass. Go fuck yourself. The FOPs saw the videos of Jan 6. They watched as their law enforcement brothers were beaten with flags, sprayed with bear spray, taped, and assaulted. They watched the trials, the juries, the verdicts, and the sentencing. We watch it too.

And yet they endorsed the mother fucker who sent them to the Capitol, who watched them beat up cops for three fucking hours, and then who pardoned them. And now you are “deeply discouraged”? Really? You are discouraged?

No. You are truly fucked up. Two faced, rotten, motherfuckers.

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Posted by johncoby

McDonald’s statement on Trump’s French fry stunt

October 22, 2024

Ouch!

McDonalds corporate office made the following statement on Trump’s French fry stunt:

“As we’ve seen, our brand has been a fixture of conversation this election cycle. While we’ve not sought this, it’s a testament to how much McDonald’s resonates with so many Americans,” the company said in its memo. “McDonald’s does not endorse candidates for elected office and that remains true in this race for the next President. We are not red or blue – we are golden.”

McDonald locations are franchises, privately operated. This particular owner invited the campaign to film trump serving French fries as if he was an employee. Unfortunately McDonalds has a policy of not employing convicted felons. “Donald Trump would never get past the application process. He is a felon. We do not employ felons, especially those who have been convicted on sexual assault charges. We are the Golden Arches not the Golden Showers.”

Trump only lasted 20 minutes. 19 minutes more than his time with Stormy Daniels.

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Breaking: Galveston County to investigate Jimmy Fullen campaign

October 6, 2024

Who would have thunk it?

Jimmy Fullen is on the left at a fundraiser.

Galveston County will begin an investigation of the Jimmy Fullen for Sheriff campaign. This was announced in a press release issued during the middle of the night to limit media exposure. “There are serious allegations against Mr. Fullen the county can no longer ignore. We are a nation of law and order. We must hold candidates to the highest standards of the office, no matter the party affiliation. Because of this we have initiated an investigation of Jimmy Fullen’s campaign.”

The county was recently approached by the State Republican Party with information concerning the Fullen campaign. The Party issued the following statement: “We are a party of law and order and of the highest moral and ethical standards. Last weekend Mr. Fullen crossed the line of decency therefore we have asked the County to investigate one of our own. Mr. Fullen’s actions have soiled the great name of the Republican Party. We will not stand idle.”

“We are also a party of moral values, values that are enshrined in our Presidential Candidate, Donald Trump. Dressing up like a drag queen goes against our values and principals. Our party might tolerate falsifying government documents, unless it involves Hunter Biden. However, dressing in drag and prancing around on stage with other republicans officials cannot be tolerated.”

“We pray the County will take immediate action.” Let us prey and welcome to Satire Sunday.

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