Bay Area Houston

Not a picture from his Jr High Yearbook

This is not the first clown rodeo for Baby Briscoe. From a previous post:

State Representative Briscoe Cain from Deer Park had a temper tantrum vowing legislation in retaliation to the walkouts of April 20th to honor students killed at Columbine High School.

Baby Briscoe is a white wing tea bagger from Deer Park. He looks like a 12 year old. He was rated by Texas Monthly as the worst legislator in the history of Texas. (That is a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. He sucks.) Briscoe continued being a little dick by driving to Ft Worth, gaining access to the Texas Democratic Party (which isn’t hard since are conventions are open to the public) and handing out gun nut signs. It didn’t work out as he planned. From the Star Telegram:

Cain, consultant Aaron Harris of North Richland Hills and two other men were asked to leave the Fort Worth Convention Center exhibit hall, but returned later in the Ninth Street foyer.

They were questioned and released about 5:20 p.m. by Fort Worth police.

Briscoe flashed what looked like a gun around his waist and was escorted out along with his political consultant who probably had to drive him to Ft Worth, using his own gas money. The police had a discussion with Baby Briscoe and released him to his mother.

His mother stated: 

“I am so sorry for my son’s behavior. I have told him to not play cops and robbers in the open and to never take his toy guns out of the house. I intend to whoop his ass once I get him home.”

After bragging about his support for separating children from their mothers in a press release, Texas Congressman Brian Babin was run over by a bus driven by Donald Trump. Trump was racing to sign an executive order to stop the policy he created and Babin had joyfully supported. Trump stated:

“This was not something I created. It was the Democrats policy and only an idiot would voice his support for it.”

Babin will be meeting the press as soon as he can take the egg off his face. His press release has received about 20 comments, all negative concerning his support of the policy that trump created. The comment period is still open.

It’s hard to make this stuff up.

For immediate release
June 6, 2018

From the desk of Sid Miller, Texas Agriculture Commissioner

As an elected official of the great State of Texas, I have a responsibility to uphold the Constitution of the United States and Texas as well as represent the Office of the Agriculture Commission. Recently I have failed in one aspect of my duties.

In the past I have used a very derogatory comment towards female political opponents. Although I cannot defend my actions I would like to provide background for consideration.

I was raised on a rural farm. We were simple people, waking at the crack of dawn, working in the hot sun, and enjoying a cold glass of lemonade at the end of a very long day. We would go to church to praise our Lord Jesus Christ our Savior on Sundays as God wanted us to. We didn’t have internet, social media, or twitter. Instead we relied on talking with our friends face to face including those we disagree with.

I went on to raise horses and ride in the rodeo. I was considered just an ole, simple minded, Christian, country bumpkin with a hat bigger than my head. Unfortunately this continues to this day resulting in my unfortunate use of the word C*** when referring to a female politician. For this I apologize.

In the future I will work to uphold the laws of the State, the word of the Lord, and the wisdom of family values and will use other words like bitch or whore.

I’ve said it before “We do things bigger in Texas”. It’s not really true unless you count the size of mosquitos or hair extensions, but we do have bigger idiots, many who drive on our Texas highways. With that in mind, here is another in the series “How to drive in Texas” this time:

Driving in the fast lane:
The fast lane on a highway, is called the “left lane”. It is dedicated to those who want to drive faster than the “flow of traffic”. 75, 85, 95 MPH is not uncommon, but for us Texans we don’t follow those California type of rules. We are free spirited, do what we want, drive where we want, kinda folk. So driving in the fast lane is simple for us simpletons.

To drive in the fast lane simply move into the lane when you have an opening and drive what ever speed you damn well please. If someone rides your bumper, or if all you see in the rear view mirror is a truck grill, consider it as extra protection from being rear ended by someone driving like a damn Californian. Those who want around you can easily use the right lane or the shoulder while waving to you as they pass by.

That’s the Texas way of driving in the fast lane. As I said, we do thing bigger in Texas.