January 24, 2018
AUSTIN – Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick announced today that he is setting rules for the Republican members of the Texas Senate. Upon his announcement the lieutenant governor made the following statement:
“Based upon unprecedented issues facing the members of the Republican Party of Texas I have set strict rules that will be followed by every Republican office holder while conducting business in the Senate during the 2019 Legislative Session. Effective immediately the members of the Party will be bound to the following set of rules and guidelines.”
1. Racist comments will not be tolerated. Racism is bad, very bad and any Republican Senator who has a racist thought or gesture should keep it to themselves and express their opinion only in the privacy of their own home.
2. Do not send dick pics to interns. There will be many young interns working in the halls of the Senate. I expect every Republican Senator, including Senator Charles Schwertner, to refrain from texting the interns and sending dick pics while on the Senate floor.
3. Do not call women the C word. I do not expect Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller to visit the Senate but if he does, do not follow his example and call women names, especially the C word. It is extremely offensive.
4. Don’t steal your donors money. Campaign donations are to be used for your campaigns only, not for vacations, or mistresses, or sending your kids to private yachting lessons.
5. Don’t be a dick. The Republican Party has become as popular as herpes at a hot tub party. Please do not contribute to this stereotype by being a dick about everything. Just don’t be a dick. Please.
It is sad that in the 21st century I have to remind members of my party not to be racist, a creep, a Misogynists, a robber, and a dick. For f*** sakes folks. Grow up.