April 21, 2021 Austin Texas

From the desk of Governor Greg Abbott

Texas Lt Governor Dan Patrick offers a special prayer for this Easter:

Oh Lord Let us prey.
Let us prey on the cold for they cannot flee to Cancun
Let us prey on the voters for they cannot easily vote.
Let us prey on the poor for they cannot afford to fight.
Let us prey on the sick for they are too weak to fight.
Let us prey on the Hispanics for they will not vote.
Let us prey on the Blacks for their lives do not matter.
Let us prey on the disabled for they are weak.
Let us prey on the Muslims for they are now targets of hate
Let us prey on the Asian population for they brought us COVID.
Let us prey on the Immigrants for they do not belong here.
Let us prey on the police as we flood the streets with guns.

And oh Lord
Let us prey on our supporters for they are too ignorant to know we are preying on them.

A “rally” at the Church of the Nazarene, Michael Hull, Pastor, is coming to the Clear Lake area. Hosted by the Republican “Q” Party of Texas. #WeAreTheStorm

 #WeAreTheStorm

The folks at the Bay Oaks Country Club in Clear Lake are not going to let a little COVID pandemic stop them from having some fun on New Years eve!

For just $125 you can eat, drink, and dance your way into the New Year at the Country Club. What can be more festive than an open bar, delicious hot hors d’oeuvres, and dancing to a live band with your friends and neighbors!

So, kick off that mask, let your hair down, and come on out to usher 2020 out!

November 8, 2020 Houston, Texas. Texas State Representative Briscoe Cain was held and questioned when attempting to board a flight from Houston to Philadelphia. According to Homeland Security Officials Cain was held for over an hour prior to the flight. From a spokesman:

We were alerted to the issue by an anonymous posting on Facebook. The picture of Cain raises serious questions about the safety and liability of the airline and required immediate attention. A review of his twitter feed confirmed our suspicions. We held Cain for approximately 1 hour to verify his identification. He would have been released much sooner but we were unable to contact his mother to verify his age.

Homeland Security has strict protocols concerning a minor flying alone. Out of an abundance of caution we held Cain back until he could prove he wasn’t a 12 year old or acted like one.

From the Dallas Morning News:

“His behavior does not reflect the values of the GOP of Texas, and we do not wish to promote anyone of his character,” the party said in a statement.

Well…. ok. That really isn’t exactly what they said but it is pretty funny when the party of “wholesome, christian, conservative family values” will take a stand against a republican candidate for violating their oath of honor yet will do nothing about their leader for porking a porn star, paying her off, and covering it up.

Republican Senate candidate Vanessa Tijerina was recently arrested for driving under the influence with children in the car. In Texas that is a felony. Much like Trump she has had multiple run ins with the law:

Tijerina has had legal problems in the past. As a Green Party candidate for Congress in 2016, Tijerina was arrested for a food stamp and Medicaid scam in which she received thousands of dollars for falsely claiming that she was a single-parent household even though her child’s father was living with them and was a wage-earning member of the family, according to court records.

So Tijerina crossed the line and the Republican Party will throw her in the garbage while standing with trump in the dump.

The Texas Republican Party should consider changing their logo to represent their convention and their new party.

Yesterday during their online/offline screwed up convention some of the delegates ousted their current Chair and voted in a perfect individual who will represent the Texas Republican party very well, former Congressman from Florida Allen West. West has been certified by the National Association of Nut Makers as 100% nuts. “After reviewing West’s record we can say with 100% accuracy that West is a perfect individual to lead the members of the Texas Republican Party. Just like Donald Trump he truly is one f*cked up human being.”

The GOP Convention has been a joke from day one, mired in technical difficulties, reboots, with many just giving up trying to participate. It is fitting that those who were able to actually gain access to vote elected someone like West to be their leader. He began his career in Florida and served in Congress as one of the tea baggers of 2010. He served only 1 term. He was endorsed by Sarah Palin and Ted Nugent. He will serve Donald Trump and his extreme right wing agenda very well.

His election topped off one screwed up convention for one screwed up party. For gosh sakes, what the living f*ck happened to you guys?

July 12, 2020 | Austin, Texas | Press Release

6000 ignorant republicans all crammed into the George R Brown Convention Center during a raging, out of control, pandemic. What could possibly go wrong? The Texas Republican Party executive committee voted 40-20 to continue with plans to hold an in person convention which means 1/3 of the executive committee is beginning to think with their heads instead of their nose.

Maybe some of them read about Herman Cain, the former GOP presidential candidate, who is now hospitalized with COVID after attending the Trump foley in Tulsa. Or maybe they read that their leader, Greg Abbott has finally realized he screwed up the reopening of Texas and is now requiring the wearing of masks across the state. Or maybe they just finally pulled their heads out of Donald Trump’s ass and smelled the virus.

Not only will 6000 delegates meet in the convention center, many will pay to attend an elegant gala, or a luncheon with elected officials, and others will attend training sessions such as “How to avoid being labeled a racist“.

The Texas GOP also voted to put the following rules in place for all attendees:

1. Wearing a mask is mandatory even if wearing a hood.
2. Social distancing will not be allowed. It is not needed.
3. Remember the virus is a hoax. Act like it.
4. If you are sick do not come to the event.
5. If you are poor, do not come to the event.
6. If you are Latino, do not come to the event.
7. If you are Black, do not come to the event.
8. If you are a person of color, do not come to the event.
9. If you are a police officer, do not come to the event.
10. If you are a teacher, do not come to the event.
11. If you are Muslim, do not come to the event.
12. If you are not racist, do not come to the event.

The Trump campaign has issued a set of guidelines in order to protect the freedom of supporters attending the rally scheduled for June 20 in Tulsa Oklahoma at the BOK Center. The Center holds about 20,000. Due to the size of the crowd and the indoor location the following guidelines should be followed by all attendees:

1. Sign the waiver of liability prior to attending.
2. Wearing a mask is optional. It is not needed.
3. Social distancing will not be allowed. It is not needed.
4. Remember the virus is a hoax. Act like it.
5. If you are sick do not come to the event.
6. If you are poor, do not come to the event.
7. If you are Latino, do not come to the event.
8. If you are Black, do not come to the event.
9. If you are a person of color, do not come to the event.
10. If you are poor, do not come to the event.
11. If you are a police officer, do not come to the event.
12. If you are a teacher, do not come to the event.
13. If you are Muslim, do not come to the event.
14. If you are not racist, do not come to the event.

April 7, 2020 | Austin, Texas | Press Release

March 18, 2020 | Austin, Texas | Press Release

President Donald J. Trump calls for a draft to prepare for war with Iran

 Foreign Policy Issued on: June 24, 2019

On June 24, 2019, by Executive Order 13466, the President declared a national emergency, with respect to a potential war with Iran, and pursuant to the International Emergency Economic Powers Act has called for a draft to replenish and maintain the strength of our military forces.

The President has called upon the Director of the Selective Service System, Donald Benton, to develop the rules for a draft including guidelines for deferments, medical situations, and exemptions for family care givers. The President has provided the following comments:

“Because of the endless wars by the Obama Administration our military service men are spread too thin. They have fought courageously through multiple tours. It is time to replenish their ranks especially with an inevitable war with Iran. The Director should set guidelines for the draft to include men and women, no deferments of any kind, and a tax for families who cannot participate in war time activities. The only exception should be for family care givers.”

The President’s guideline also include a tax on families that do not send their family members into battle in order to help pay for the war. Students drafted while in college would finish their semester and return after their tour of duty. High school graduates would begin immediately if selected. Everyone will participate in some fashion.

“Under my plan every single family in America would be able to perform their patriotic duty in the war in Iran by fighting or paying for the war. The 2nd Amendment Patriots of America who enjoy walking the streets dressed as a soldier and carrying an assault rifle can now walk in the streets of Iran serving their country with a taxpayer provided weapon. Even those with bone spurs can now participate and serve their country.” 

DONALD J. TRUMP

THE WHITE HOUSE,

June 21, 2019.

April 26, 2019

AUSTIN – Lt. Governor Patrick issued the following statement today concerning the filing of the  “Man’s right to know” bill which would fine men for excessive masturbation.

“Texans have a long history of independence, free from over reaching restrictions to a man’s well being and health. This bill, which restricts a man’s right to masturbate, is not only an insult to the freedoms men have fought for, it is an embarrassment to the House and Senate. I urge both Houses to rise up and denounce this frivolous bill as nothing more than a knee jerk reaction.”

“I want to assure all my male conservatives in the great state of Texas that I will lead the charge in beating this bill. What a man does in his own bathroom, bedroom, office, closet, or 2nd floor cloak room is no ones business. Regulating a man’s right to masturbate will rub many men the wrong way and will lead to a slippery slope.”

“I pledge to all the men in Texas that I will beat off all supporters of this bill with both hands. Now please enjoy the complimentary cigarettes and paper towels.”