Bay Area Houston

Pic from the LATimes.

This really could be fun!

The football team and booster club of the high school behind the Supreme Court ruling allowing a coach to lead a prayer at the 50 yard line for the team has renamed the team to The Christians. According to the team’s new coach “The name adequately represents the members of the team, at least most of them.” The President of the booster club also claims “This new name will bring new ways to support our team while praising our Lord Jesus Christ!” She released a list of ideas for fans attending the game:

• Fans can dress up as priests and nuns and even popes.
• Kids can dress like altar boys
• Rosaries will be distributed to replace spirit towels.
• Bibles will be passed out instead of bobble heads
• When faced with 4th and long fans will be encourages to say the Hail Mary
• Chants of “Crucify Them! Crucify Them!” 
• Special events will be planned when The Christians play The Lions
• Prior to the game the rosary will be prayed on the 50 yard line
• Cheerleaders will be dressed like nuns
• Teams will run out of their lockers under the fog of burning ashes
• Attending a game on Saturday will count towards attending church on Sunday

(Austin Texas) Rapist Across Texas (RATS) issued the following statement concerning the leaked Supreme Court briefing overturning Roe v Wade.

Members of RATS are ecstatic over the leaked brief overturning Roe v Wade even for rape or incest victims. We may be rapists but we should have a right to spread our seeds without fear of being arrested or our rapist child being terminated. We have to thank our friends from Texas, Governor Greg Abbott, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, and the entire Republican Party for their courage, leadership, and hypocrisy  in supporting our rights to rape. And we greatly appreciate the new members of the SCOTUS for lying their way onto the Supreme Court. This is a trait of every republican running for office.

The Republican Party truly stands for the rights of RATS.

Sept 9, 2021

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Austin Texas. After learning of Ted Cruz sending his children to a private $30,000/year school which requires masks for all students, teachers, and the administration, the following Texas organization has issued the following statement:

The State of Texas has a proud history of being a bunch of hypocrites including Christians claiming to endorse the “sanctity of marriage” yet have been married and remarried multiple times and politicians claiming to be Christians yet endorsing separating children from their parents. But no one, let us stress, no one is more of a Texas sized hypocrite than Ted Cruz. No one is more of a sniveling coward like Ted Cruz. His hypocrisy makes true hypocrites silly.

Because of this, the members of Society of Hypocrites of Texas (SHIT) have decided to file suit against Ted Cruz for defamation of character. The hypocrites of our state such as every Republican and most Christians are ashamed of his hypocrisy. It make our members look bad.

Let us be very clear. We are not going to take this shit from Ted Cruz.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Wednesday June 23, 2021
Fighting Dog Clubs of America
1-800-DOG-FGHT

Caset Texas. The Fighting Dog Clubs of America with over 20 organizations in Texas which raise and trains dogs to engage in rough “play time” has issued the following statement in support of Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s veto of the bipartisan bill protecting abused dogs:

We proudly stand with Greg Abbott’s veto of the bipartisan bill protecting abused dogs. Our dogs are chained up for good reasons. Most are trained from the day they are born to be mean and to defend themselves. Chaining a dog to a tree helps us accomplish this goal as well as protects the public from this rabid animal. We thank Texas Governor Greg Abbott for his courage in vetoing this bill that would make chaining and abusing a dog a felony. 

We hope the Governor will accept our invitation to throw out the first puppy at the opening dog fight here in the back woods of Caset Texas. Beer and hot dogs will be served.

#NoPlaceButTexas

April 21, 2021 Austin Texas

From the desk of Governor Greg Abbott

Texas Lt Governor Dan Patrick offers a special prayer for this Easter:

Oh Lord Let us prey.
Let us prey on the cold for they cannot flee to Cancun
Let us prey on the voters for they cannot easily vote.
Let us prey on the poor for they cannot afford to fight.
Let us prey on the sick for they are too weak to fight.
Let us prey on the Hispanics for they will not vote.
Let us prey on the Blacks for their lives do not matter.
Let us prey on the disabled for they are weak.
Let us prey on the Muslims for they are now targets of hate
Let us prey on the Asian population for they brought us COVID.
Let us prey on the Immigrants for they do not belong here.
Let us prey on the police as we flood the streets with guns.

And oh Lord
Let us prey on our supporters for they are too ignorant to know we are preying on them.

A “rally” at the Church of the Nazarene, Michael Hull, Pastor, is coming to the Clear Lake area. Hosted by the Republican “Q” Party of Texas. #WeAreTheStorm