Texas Governor Greg Abbott issues uniforms for poll workers

April 7, 2020

April 7, 2020 | Austin, Texas | Press Release

Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued the following statement in response to vote by mail in Texas for the June runoffs
The great state of Texas is under attack by an invisible enemy causing our great economy to collapse and interfering with our elections. In response to those who want to implement vote by mail for all voters I have decided to issue safety equipment, a uniform fashioned by NASA, to all poll workers in order to safety conduct elections at voting centers across the state.

Each worker will be provided a form fitting personal protective equipment. This will protect each worker from spreading the virus and from contracting the virus. Each piece of equipment will have a breathing filter as well as a diaper fashioned from NASA technology and a holding tank for poo. Not only will you be protected you will also be able to do your work looking like an Astronaut.

We hope this will encourage all poll workers to come to work during early voting and on Election Day. 


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Posted by johncoby

BREAKING: TX Gov Greg Abbott calls for sacrifice of Lt Gov Dan Patrick

March 24, 2020

March 18, 2020 | Austin, Texas | Press Release

Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued the following statement in response to Lt Governor Dan Patrick’s call to let the Coronavirus to run its course to save the economy.
The great state of Texas has one of the best economies of the world with a combination of low taxes, few regulations, and the great spirit of Texans. Unfortunately the Coronavirus and the reckless use of government overreach the economy has ground to a halt with Texans being directed to stay at home until the virus has run its course. 

With this assault on our great economy Lt Governor Dan Patrick has offered himself and millions of senior citizens up for sacrifice to the Coronavirus god in the hope of saving our economy for the younger generation. 

With this in mind I call for a public offering of Dan Patrick to the god of the Coronavirus. He will be sacrificed on the South lawn at dawn. In lieu of a smoldering volcano we will use a Hibachi grill, one made right here in Texas!

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Houston elections wrap-up 2019

December 16, 2019

Well that wasn’t fun, for some.

The Winners
Mayor Sylvester Turner
Chris Brown Controller

Amy Peck District A
(Delayed) District B
Abbie Kamin District C
Carolyn Evans-Shabazz District D
Dave Martin District E
Tiffany Thomas District F
Greg Davis District G
Karla Cisneros(*) District H
Robert Gallegos District I
Ed Pollard District J
Martha Castex-Tatum District K

Mike Knox At Large 1
David Robinson At Large 2
Mike Kubosh At Large 3
Leticia Plummer At Large 4
Sallie Alcorn At Large 5

The Losers
Tony Buzbee.

Overall
Buzbee lost and that was good for the city. Up till the day of the election Buzbee clearly showed he had no idea of how the City works or how to govern. To him is was about money, his money, and how he could buy a seat. He lost $13 Million. We won. District B is in the courts and will be decided at a later date. Two women joined the members of the At Large delegation. 8, maybe 9 out of 16 members of Council are women. Chris Brown returns as Controller.

Media Bias
Back in 1995 Wayne Dolcefino was an investigative reporter (sic) for KTRK-TV. He had a boner for Sylvester Turner when Turner first ran for Mayor. Dolcefino was eventually sued and lost for a story about insurance fraud and a jury awarded $5.5 Million. 

We ought to have an award for those in the media who chased stories that left them with egg on their faces. Fox26 would easily be in the running. They are becoming the FoxNews of Houston. This isn’t good. I used to work with a reporter at Fox26. He was fair and asked the tough questions. That was all I wanted or expected. Professional. Respectable. This is lacking at Fox26 now. 

Don’t be a a Dick law.
Eric Dick’s racist mailer cannot go unchallenged. He needs to suffer what ever consequences there may be. Unfortunately the Texas Ethics Commission does not have a rapid response process that would put Dick on notice. Instead a complaint takes months to resolve. We need a “Dont be a Dick” law.

Ed Pollard
Ed can be in the same boat as Dick. Claiming an elected official is endorsing you is dishonest and he should pay some consequences. I hope he does better as an elected official.

Before you run for office
Do yourself and us a favor, think before you jump into a race you know nothing about. We had way too many candidates who could not, would not, raise money and who have no business running for office. This isn’t a game.

Self Financing
There ought to be restrictions on self financing Buzbee put in $13 Million of his own money. Eric Dick put in $300,000. Money Mayes Middleton put in $2.5 Million for a House Race. The list can go on and on. This has to stop.

On to the primaries!

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BREAKING: Local Texas Teabagger Congressmen have poopy

October 24, 2019

No Place but Texas.

Texas Teabag Congressman Brian Babin, Pete Olson, and Randy Weber soiled themselves while joining in a stunt to obstruct justice at an impeachment hearing. The stunt lead by the far white wing of the party disrupted one of three committee impeachment hearings. They brought their cell phones into a secure facility that does not allow cell phones. They chanted like freshmen at a panty raid. They ordered pizza and stuffed their faces with warm fried cock from Chick-Fil-A. Then they left their trash for others to pick up.

In trying to defend their savior, Donald Trump, they were claiming the hearings are being held in secret, in a basement, even though that is where the secure facility is located and the rules allow only those on the specific committee to be in the facility. Republicans were in the committee meeting. There was no secrecy to it. In fact the date, time, and location was public knowledge.

One of these days, after the testimony has been taken under oath, these hearings will be in the open and the teabaggers will get what they want along with a dozen eggs on their face. I can see the Democrats bringing Rick Perry in front of the cameras and all the tea baggers conveniently missing the meeting. It’s going to happen.

Until then, Babin, Olson, and Weber has poopies much like Joe Swanson of Family guy.

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Posted by johncoby

Breaking: Trump calls for draft for war in Iran

June 24, 2019

President Donald J. Trump calls for a draft to prepare for war with Iran

 Foreign Policy Issued on: 
On June 24, 2019, by Executive Order 13466, the President declared a national emergency, with respect to a potential war with Iran, and pursuant to the International Emergency Economic Powers Act has called for a draft to replenish and maintain the strength of our military forces.

The President has called upon the Director of the Selective Service System, Donald Benton, to develop the rules for a draft including guidelines for deferments, medical situations, and exemptions for family care givers. The President has provided the following comments:

“Because of the endless wars by the Obama Administration our military service men are spread too thin. They have fought courageously through multiple tours. It is time to replenish their ranks especially with an inevitable war with Iran. The Director should set guidelines for the draft to include men and women, no deferments of any kind, and a tax for families who cannot participate in war time activities. The only exception should be for family care givers.”

The President’s guideline also include a tax on families that do not send their family members into battle in order to help pay for the war. Students drafted while in college would finish their semester and return after their tour of duty. High school graduates would begin immediately if selected. Everyone will participate in some fashion.

“Under my plan every single family in America would be able to perform their patriotic duty in the war in Iran by fighting or paying for the war. The 2nd Amendment Patriots of America who enjoy walking the streets dressed as a soldier and carrying an assault rifle can now walk in the streets of Iran serving their country with a taxpayer provided weapon. Even those with bone spurs can now participate and serve their country.” 
DONALD J. TRUMP

THE WHITE HOUSE,
June 21, 2019.

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TX Lt Gov Dan Patrick issues statement on Masturbation Bill

April 26, 2019


April 26, 2019

AUSTIN – Lt. Governor Patrick issued the following statement today concerning the filing of the  “Man’s right to know” bill which would fine men for excessive masturbation.

“Texans have a long history of independence, free from over reaching restrictions to a man’s well being and health. This bill, which restricts a man’s right to masturbate, is not only an insult to the freedoms men have fought for, it is an embarrassment to the House and Senate. I urge both Houses to rise up and denounce this frivolous bill as nothing more than a knee jerk reaction.”

“I want to assure all my male conservatives in the great state of Texas that I will lead the charge in beating this bill. What a man does in his own bathroom, bedroom, office, closet, or 2nd floor cloak room is no ones business. Regulating a man’s right to masturbate will rub many men the wrong way and will lead to a slippery slope.”

“I pledge to all the men in Texas that I will beat off all supporters of this bill with both hands. Now please enjoy the complimentary cigarettes and paper towels.”

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TX Congressman Brian Babin issues statement on Joe Biden

April 26, 2019

It’s hard to make up stuff like this!

From a Facebook post by Congressman Brian Babin TX CD36:

Former Vice President Joe Biden has been in the news a lot lately, along with the predictable narrative that he has a distinguished record on matters of foreign policy. But if you actually look at his record, you’ll see that the opposite is true. As former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said, “I think [Biden] has been wrong on nearly every major foreign policy and national security issue over the past four decades.” I took to the House floor today to address those who may believe Biden is the right man to lead our nation as President.


Babin was using the House floor to campaign against the Democratic front runner Joe Biden questioning whether he was the “right” man to lead our nation. He continued:

Joe Biden does not reflect the traditional conservative values of the Republican Party. He has not had sex with a porn star, paid her off, or lied about the entire affair. He hasn’t lied every single day to the American people. He hasn’t mocked a disabled American or a decorated deceased war veteran. He hasn’t created a Trillion dollar deficit, added $2 Trillion to our debt to China. He hasn’t put dirty Mexican children in cages away from their mothers or called white supremacist “fine people”. He hasn’t alienated our allies or coddled the likes of dictators like Kim Jong Un. He hasn’t spoken in support of dismembering a journalist as long as we make money doing it. He hasn’t even grabbed any women by the damn p**** for god’s sake! Besides Trump is an asshole and it is tough to be an asshole. I yield my time.

 Yeah. That is what he was thinking.

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Ed Emmett: She should have said "hunker down"

April 4, 2019

Former Harris County Judge Ed Emmett hasn’t recovered from the loss in 2018 to County Judge Lina Hildago providing a sour grapes interview to Joe Eisenbaum of Click2Houston

Eisenbaum: “What’s your best advice moving forward?”
Emmett: “The most important thing now is to say, ‘Hunker Down’. Saying ‘Hunker Down’ makes you look like everything is under control, you have whatever is coming under control, like when I said ‘hunker down’ when hit by Hurricane Ike and Hurricane Harvey although hunkering down didn’t work out for many.
Actually, that isn’t what he said but for many just mouthing a stupid saying like ‘Hunker down’ is enough for them to declare someone is fit for office. It’s as if that is actually a strategy. If only it was that easy. For Ed it was. Instead of reaching out to Judge Lina Hidalgo, to provide his wisdom from his years of service, he  hunker down with the media. 

Eisenbaum: “What’s your best advice moving forward?”
Emmett: “The most important thing now is to say, ‘OK, what can we do better?’ That’s always a learning experience, and the professionals in the county will do that.”

That is what he really said. Here is my advise. Shut up.

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Republicans at NASA instructed to clean the bathrooms

January 25, 2019

It’s hard to make up shit like this. Literally. From The Hill:

A NASA manager posted on Twitter on Thursday a sign hanging outside the bathroom asking staff to volunteer to clean the bathrooms once per week amid the ongoing partial government shutdown, as reported by The Houston Chronicle.

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Press Release: Lt Gov Dan Patrick sets rules of the Senate

January 24, 2019

Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick sets rules of the Senate


January 24, 2018

AUSTIN – Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick announced today that he is setting rules for the Republican members of the Texas Senate. Upon his announcement the lieutenant governor made the following statement:

“Based upon unprecedented issues facing the members of the Republican Party of Texas I have set strict rules that will be followed by every Republican office holder while conducting business in the Senate during the 2019 Legislative Session. Effective immediately the members of the Party will be bound to the following set of rules and guidelines.”

1. Racist comments will not be tolerated. Racism is bad, very bad and any Republican Senator who has a racist thought or gesture should keep it to themselves and express their opinion only in the privacy of their own home. 

2. Do not send dick pics to interns. There will be many young interns working in the halls of the Senate. I expect every Republican Senator, including Senator Charles Schwertner, to refrain from texting the interns and sending dick pics while on the Senate floor. 

3. Do not call women the C word. I do not expect Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller to visit the Senate but if he does, do not follow his example and call women names, especially the C word. It is extremely offensive.

4. Don’t steal your donors money. Campaign donations are to be used for your campaigns only, not for vacations, or mistresses, or sending your kids to private yachting lessons.

5. Don’t be a dick. The Republican Party has become as popular as herpes at a hot tub party. Please do not contribute to this stereotype by being a dick about everything. Just don’t be a dick. Please.

It is sad that in the 21st century I have to remind members of my party not to be racist, a creep, a Misogynists, a  robber, and a dick. For f*** sakes folks. Grow up.

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